Expectations

Sometimes, I feel that no matter how hard I try, it doesn’t matter if it’s my results, grades, CCA, or even the subject combination I had been posted to, my mother would compare it with someone else’s. It isn’t fair, and she actually put hopes on me just because she THINKS I can do it, NOT because I CAN do it.

Since my Primary school days, she would compare my results and grades with Lin Hui’s (so sorry to mention you, my friend, but it’s a fact) and Wei Lin’s. In my Secondary school days, she would compare my results with Lin Hui’s still, and Jolene’s (when she found out that Jolene was my ex-nursery school classmate). She kept telling me that I scored higher than both of them for my PSLE, and expect me to do at least of the standard of theirs in Secondary school. Can’t she understand? Lin Hui was 3rd in class in Primary 4. Yet, again, she told me that I got into the EM1 stream in Primary 6, Lin Hui didn’t. So what if I got into EM1? Lin Hui still clinched 3rd position in her class in Primary 6. I don’t understand what exactly is my mother trying to prove?

Not to forget, my CCA. She kept asking me why aren’t I that busy with CCA compared to my brother. The complaints started only after I entered Secondary School, since I have the same CCA as my brother in Primary School. I admit that I’m not that busy with my CCA, because my CCA is not a uniform group. She had always given support to my brother for his CCA, not for mine. When I asked for the family to support me at ITMAP2003 last year, only my parents went. My brother had a choice whether or not to go. I remembered in 2002, I wasn’t even given the choice to state whether I wanted to attend the Jubilations2002, an event which both the Concert Band and Choir was involved. This year, my mother is making me attend some performance at some community centre this Saturday because my brother is involved in it. She said that it was to support my brother. What gives her to right to do so? It didn’t seem that support was given to me by my brother, now again, why should I support him? Dream on, I’m not going and that’s final. I have better plans of my own.

By the way, she’s willing to foot the $2000 for my brother for the CCHMS Concert Band Australian Music Festival 2004 if he did not get the subsidised fee. She’s so biased, yet she doesn’t admit it. Or to say, she doesn't realise it.